Adult Jokes

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Catholic Girl

Maria is a devout Catholic. (No condoms for her!)
She gets married and has 17 children...and then her husband dies.
She remarries two weeks later...and has 22 children by her second husband. ... and then her second husband dies.
After four months She dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks
up to the heavens, and says, "At last...they're finally together."
A man standing next to him asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her
FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?"

No, the priest says politely,

!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!

V
V
V
V
V
"I mean her LEGS."

Sunday, December 19, 2004

An Old Man at Doctor's Office

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the Jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."


Ha Ha Ha - What were you
thinking???

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A GIFT FOR HIS SWEETHEART

A young man wished to buy a pair of gloves for his sweetheart's birthday. He went to an expensive boutique, bought the finest gloves available, and asked the saleswoman to have them delivered with a note. While wrapping the gloves, a clerk accidentally mixed the order and sent a pair of panties instead. Here's the note the young man sent to his sweetheart.

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but your sister wears the short ones that are easier to remove. I decided to get the same style for you. Although these are a delicate shade, the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she had been wearing for three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I let the sales girl try them on for me and she really looked smart.

I wish I could be there to put them on for you for the first time. No doubt, many other hands will touch them before I see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow on them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. And be sure to
keep them on while cleaning them so they don't shrink. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!

I hope you like them and will wear them for me when we go out on Friday night.

All my love,
Hollingsworth