Adult Jokes

Monday, February 27, 2006

Male species similarities

What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man?
You can enjoy all but the head

What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man?
They are both said to be intelligent, but no one can prove this.

What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man?
They both get hot in 15 seconds

Why can't a man be both good-looking and intelligent?
Because that would make him a woman.

Why is a man's brain the size of a peanut?
Because it is swollen.

Why are batteries better than men?
Batteries have at least one positive end.

Why does it take one million sperm to fertilise one egg?
Because sperm are male and they refuse to ask directions.

Why are men like the letter Q?
Because it is a big fat zero with a small protrusion.

Why do fewer women get married these days?
Because they would rather have bacon in the fridge, than a pig in the living room.

What is the similarity between a video recorder and a man?
They go forwards, backwards, forwards, backwards, stop and eject!

Why is the male intelligence worth more than the female?
It is rarer.

Why do men prefer to marry virgins?
They cannot handle the criticism.

What do you call an attractive intelligent and sensitive man?
A rumour.

Why don't men go through menopause?
They never left puberty.

For some boosting the Men egos

whats the differents between a women and a man?

( answer ) about 12 inches and man has allways run this counrty as President untill we see a women President then we will never know

i guess a women would never be President because of that time of the month when there body and brain doesn't function well

Sunday, February 05, 2006

attracting Beach babes

Bob liked to frequent the Newfoundland beaches, but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend George, the lifeguard, for advice. "It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old bloke - they're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about 2 sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside them. I'm telling ya man....you'll have all the babes you want!"

The following weekend, Bob hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by - covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Bob went back to George the lifeguard, and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "Lard-Tunderin boy!" said George, "the potato goes in the front!"