Cheap Prostitue

A guy needs a prostitute badly, and he goes to this place. The guy takes him upstairs to show him a room. In it is the hottest chick he's ever seen. "$500 for an hour" the pimp says. That's too much for the guy so he sees another room.
In it is a less hot chick, but way better than he would ever get himself. "$100" The pimp says. This is still too much for the guy so the pimp asks how much he has. "$5" "Ahh... i know who you need..."
The pimp brings him to the last room in the hallway and in it is the new hottest girl he'd ever seen. The only thing was her skin was a little pale, but for $5? YES!

After he was done, the pimp asked him how it was. The dude says "she was great, but the only thing was she started crying these white tears. What's up with that?" The pimp turns to a busboy and says "The dead one's full again"

A hillbilly and a gay

A hillbilly and a gay are driving down a dirt road one day when the hillbilly spots a sheep with it's head caught in the fence. "I can't pass up this chance!" says the hillbilly, and he runs over to the sheep, pulls down his pants and starts fu*king it. He shouts to the gay, "Hey this is great! You wanna come and get a piece of this?" "Hell yeah!" says the gay.

So he runs over to where the sheep is, pulls down his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.

Falling over for sex

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to their separate beds. However the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and walks over to her husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed.

The two have passionate sex and afterwards the woman rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face again. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy bitch."

Ten Times the Normal Size

Ten Times the Normal Size

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open.
Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued.
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework
And three, one day you are going to be very,very disappointed.

Sex Can Make You Sick!

A guy has just got out of prison after doing 10 years for armed robbery. The prison gives him a new suit and $20 so he goes to the nearest brothel for some action.

He walks in and slaps $20 on the table and says "I want to lick some belly button!" "But sir, we don't allow that kind of perversion here!" says the owner.

The guy grabs the mans collar and says " I've just done 10 years hard time, so you give me some belly button now!" The man leads him to a back room where there's a prostitute waiting. Without delay, the guy dives on her and he starts licking and licking, when suddenly he finds some bacon in his teeth. "I must of had it for breakfast" he says to himself quietly, before resuming his feast on the girl. He's licking and licking and licking when suddenly he comes across some egg. "Ah ... egg's benedict for lunch" he assures himself and carries on licking and licking until he finds some potato and says, "Oh I'm gonna be sick!" "Thats what the last Guy Said." Replied the prostitute.

10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty but Are'nt

01. Look at the size of his putter.
02. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
03. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
04. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
05. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
06. Lift your head and spread your legs.
07. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
08. Just turn your back and drop it.
09. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

Naked Running in the Rain

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!".
Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there.".
Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!". So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?". Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running.".
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?". Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home.". Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?". Ralph answered, "Only when it rains!"

Sex or Fishing?

A man visiting his cabin on a lake knew that the couple next door were on their honeymoon, but noticed that the new husband was always out fishing, all day. After several days the man rowed over to the new husband's boat and said, "Hey, why aren't you in there banging your bride?"
The man said, "Well, she's got gonorrhea." "Oh. Sorry"

The next day the man rowed over again. "You know,"
he said, "You can always try to do it anally." "Well, she's got diarrhea." "Oh. Sorry"
The third day he rowed over yet again, in exasperation. "Why don't you just ask her to suck you off?" "Well, she's got Bleeding Gums." "Then tell me, why in the hell did you marry her?" "Well, she's also got worms, and I like to fish."