Great One Liners !

Behind every successful man there is a great woman and behind every
great woman there is a smart guy staring at her butt.

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one.

Avoid rape - say yes.

A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress.

The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

Thou shalt not commit adultery...unless in the mood.

The best thing about masturbation is that you don't have to talk
afterwards.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

Assassins do it from behind.

Chess players mate better.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

Good girls spit, Bad girls swallow, Naughty girls gargle.

Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg do not find nuts.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK.

Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the
price men have to pay for sex.

When I was born, I got a choice- A big dick or a good memory. I am
not able to remember, what did I choose.

Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.

Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.

Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -
don't and stop, unless they are used together.

Anatomy is something everybody's got, but sure looks better on a
woman.

The difference between a husband and a lover is the difference
between day and night.

If he won't wear a condom, staple his willy at the end. That'll make
him think. Sorta....

I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had
nothing to play with.

Love without sex is like cooking without eating, but be careful
because sex without condom is like driving a car without breaks!.

I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in
bed.

The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.

Prostitution is a hole sale business.

Lets all be considerate towards animal and let all the cocks meet the
pussies of their choice.

I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have
kids....

A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises
without restricting the view.

It is good for woman to meet man in park, but better for man to park
meat in woman.

Passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

To all Virgins - Thanks for Nothing !.

Sign posted in a bathroom: We aim to please! You aim too! Please!.

What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the
stick.

Virginity can be cured.

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get
or how long it is going to last.

Don't do it if you can't keep it up.

We all know that wonderful new pill as Viagara, but the scientific
term for it is: Mycoxafloppin.

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and in
demand.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?.

Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up
straight.

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural ?.

Men who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Virginity is like bubble, one prick all gone.

Men who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,

you'd better have a good hand.

Instead of 'SCREW', why don't they say 'NAIL' ? A man doesn't turn
his point 'round and'round...he hammers it home.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat
cause kids.


I'm not attracted by a girl's mind ... But by what she doesn't mind.

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?.

Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.

Guns don't kill people... Husbands who come home early kill people.

Fighting for peace is like making love for virginity.

Adding manpower to a late project is like getting nine women pregnant
in hopes of obtaining a baby in one month.

Women vs. beer: You know you're the first one to pop a beer.

He loves 'babies', especially those born sixteen to 25 years ago.

No! Nothing like that! I'm just disabling your "virgin" feature.

Gettin' married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used
to it, it ain't so hot.

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.