Adult Jokes

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Old couple anniversary SEX

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern.The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years a go? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll round
there again and we'll see if we can do it again for old time's sake.

"Oooooooh,Henry,you old devil, that sound like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's not any trouble."

So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make
their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers.
She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence,the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.

They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.
This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!"
He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he's learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, "that was truly amazing - that old man was going like a train-I've got to ask him what his secret is."

As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else. You had sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

profane parrot

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.The  assistant shows her
a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree, and
it's an absolute steal at only $15."

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity!"

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman,  making her mind up.

"I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot."

 So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him  home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the
woman, "Fuck me, a fucking new brothel and a fucking new Madam

"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel," says the woman, indignantly, but she sees the funny side and let's it drop.

 A little  later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.

"Fuck me again. A new brothel, a new Madam, and two new fucking whores
says the parrot when he sees  the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not whores," complain the girls,but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their filthy new

A short while later, the woman's  husband comes home.

And the parrot says, "Well fuck me thrice. A new brothel, a new madam, two
new fucking whores, but the same old clients. How're you doing, George?".